Ask Envy
by Kamikazie Watermelon
Summary: I'm Envy! and I'm back to answer your questions!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello, puny, and disgusting humans! It's me again! Envy! Here to answer all of your pitiful and meeningless questions!**

**Go ahead ask me anything and everything. want to know my deepest darkest secrets? just ask!**

**need help finding a date for your next prom? I've got all the answers.**

**know why? CUZ I'M ENVY! and I know Everything.**

**any guestions you have for me! anything! I'll answer it. even if its compleatly irealevant to yours or my life, I'll still answer it.**

**I know what your thinking. "Thats not Envy. Thats just Kamikazie Watermelon pretending to be Envy."**

**Well, get that out of ur head right now! Cuz I am Envy! In the artifical flesh!**

**anyway, just ask questions in the reveiws, and.. I'll answer them and crap...yeah.**

**P.S I am Envy!**

**PP.S Seriously! I am!**

**PPP.S Really! I am Envy! Know why? CUZ I AM! Nyahahahahahahahahahah!**

**PPPP.S ...What are you staring at! Ask a question already!**

**PPPPP.S Gosh!**


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Envy,

Ok Envy, I seek your infinite knowledge on this:  
A friend and I were arguing over whether or not prozac would affect corpses. I being the neocromancer siad it would alter the corpses state of being and my friend (a pharmacist) called me an idiot. So I killed my friend and drugged the corpse. Now what i want to know is how to I get it to stop gnawing on my furniture?

Yours,an exisitng person

**Dear an existing person,**

**Hn, Envy of infinate knowlage, thats got a nice ring. Anyway, back to buisiness. First of all , if you didn't want your friend's corpse gnawing on your furniture, then you shouldn't have killed your friend in the first place! but, scince we cant change that, we'll have to find some other option. All you have to do is cover yourself in blood, then your corpse will gnaw on you, and not your furniture.**

**love, Envy**


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Envy,  
Please answer me this: Where can I find a plushie of you? I want one, but where to start?

PS-Why are you so mean to Wrath?  
Miko

**Dear Miko, **

**aww! you want a plushie of me? that's so cute! if you cant find one, just reivew again, and I'll make you one personally.**

**and, on the wrath thing,...he's just annoying!.**

Dear Envy,  
I probably know the answer to this already but what do you think about all the envyXed fanfictions? I for one think they are all cute! Oh uh, yeah...bye.

P.S.: I LOVE YOU! YOUR SO CUTE! -kisses and runs-

Sweetkittens

**Dear Sweetkittens,**

**...so, how's the weather in your area?**

Dear Envy,

I've got a question! Why did you hack on to my account, and start a new story!

Kamikazie watermelon

**Dear KW,**

**You dont give me enough time to socailize. I have to connect with the public somehow!**


	4. Chapter 4

Envy,  
Yes, I am having a problem with one of my, um, coworkers. This coworker is a nuisance to my perfect plans and is probably extremely jealous of my ideas and stunningly good looks. I mean, I am perhaps the most beautiful and intelligent woman in the world stuck with an obese fool, and um, this transgendered coworker. This coworker is causing a problem in the "workplace" and won't even admit that I won a bet so this coworker must look after the obese one while I take an overly deserved relaxing vacation. Why don't you die, um I mean, give me advice on what to do with this person?

From: An extremely hot woman who men lust after.

**Dear an extremly hot women who men lust after,**

** Sick one of your corpes on him. **

** Envy**

Dear Envy,  
why do you look like a palm tree...  
Bob

**Dear Bob,**

**-Sigh- Once again, I forgot what I used to look like. But I remember at the end of the series. But it was mostly just for grins.**

** Envy**

Dear Envy the great

why did you turn into a big ugly dragon at the end of the series? and in the movie, why were the Germans speaking Japanese?

P.s you are the best out of all the hommonculi i would love to be able to change into people like you do.

Tibblez

**Dear Tibblez,**

**Hee hee, you have a funny name. anyway, I personaly dont think that my dragon form is very kewl indeed. so lay off.**

**Also, I'm quite aware that I'm the best humonculi.**

** Envy**

Dear Envy,

Really:D That would be very nice - gives Envy a cookie

PS-I was taking this quiz that tell what makes you. I took it for you(You just put in your name) & got this:  
How to make Envy  
Ingredients:  
1 part intelligence  
3 parts arrogance  
3 parts ?Secret  
Method:  
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of emotion  
Miko

**Dear Miko,**

**YAY! I get a cookie! X3 I like you the best, Miko That quiz was wrong! I'm not arrogant!**

** Envy**


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Envy,

I know you have huge grudge on the Elric brothers. Because of your father but why do you want to kill them? They are your half-brothers after all.

Dark Angel Maybe

**Dear Dark Angel Maybe,**

**You must be an only child. If you had a/some younger brother(s) (or an older brother for that matter), you would want to kill him/them too.**

** Envy**

Dear Envy,

A friend of mine and myself are having an argument over whos better- you or Greed. I saw you because you have an awsome fashion sense and you stabbed that guy with a knife that one time...  
She says that Greed is better cause he dosn't try to pass as a chick.  
My qestion is, what would be the best way to kill her?

Love,  
The Chick Who Lives Outside Your Window

**Dear The Chick Who Live Outside your window,**

**Get Chibi-Kaiyaska to sick one of her corpses on her.**

** Envy**

dear envy

What is your favorite color? mine is green. i wanted to ask you somthing else but i forgot.

the ever forgetful  
tibblez

p.s i think my name's funny too

**Dear Tibbelz,**

**-Gasp- Pink with purple polka dots! Just kidding. Green.**

** Envy**

Oh Great Envy the All-Knowing-  
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Signed, An Envy-worshipper

**Dear An Envy Worshiper,**

**-smirk- You wanna find out? -wink-**

** Envy**

Dear Envy,

If you hadn't died as a baby, and you were born around the same time as Ed was, do you think you'd of tried to date Winry?

P.S. I took a quiz to see which Homunculi I was, and it said I was most like you : ) You kick ass dude.

FullmetalInuyashaofKonoha

**Dear FullMetalInuyahsaofKonaha,**

**First of all, I didnt die when I was a baby. I died when I was 18. And,...I might have. She's a little bit whiney.**

** Envy**

Dear Envy,

- I like you best too. & I have another question: Are you floating in Wonderland or something o.o' I mean, where do Homunculi go?after death & stuff  
Miko

**Dear Miko,**

**-hugs Miko- We go to that little Dante Mansion in the sky. hee hee, Just kidding. I just hang out at Kamikazie's place. I dont know where everyone else is.**

** Love, Envy**


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Envy,

Wow. I watched an episode & noticed you do KILLER flips:D  
(Was your name William?)  
PS: o.o first time a bishie hugged ME -blushes- love?  
Miko

**Dearest Miko, **

**I got a master's in interperative dance when I was in collage. plus I've been trained in several Martial Arts.**

**PS: Yes, love -huggles Miko-**

** Love, Envy**

C.Kaiyaska- -clings to random corpses-...mine! How did he know?  
/random person- um, you've been allowing people to write letters to envy under your penname

Dear Envy  
My mom used to tell me to clean my room. The voices told me to kill her and I did. My teacher said to do my homework. the voices said to kill him and I did. My boss told me to work. The voices told me to kill my boss and I did. now the voices are telling me to clean my room, do my homework and work. What's wrong here?

Chitinichi

**Dear Chitinchi,**

**Is that you, Lust?**

** Envy**

Dear Envy,  
you still didn't answer my question...meanie.

P.S.: The weathers just fine down here. Thanks for asking...

Sweetkittens

**Dear Sweetkittens,**

**Gomen na sai, Kitty-chan -pets Sweetkittens- I really dont like edxEnvy fics. I just say I do, because ppl seem to like it.**


End file.
